How to support students who don’t get the exam grades they need
Counsellors often want to fix the situation for the student – but we can’t change their grades. There are, however, other ways we can help
Rachel Doell
As human beings, many of us have a deep-rooted desire to fix problems. This is known as the “”. Whether we want to fix a problem a loved one is experiencing, or fix a problem in the world more generally, when we see someone suffering, we want to “fix” them.
People with a “fixer mentality” can often be found in caring professions – future-pathways adviser being one of these professions.
So, every year as that day dawns when our students find out whether or not they managed to achieve their educational goals to get them into their first-choice university, we hold our breath and wonder “What can I do this year if one of my students doesn’t get the results they want or need?”
Over the years, as a future-pathways adviser with a massive fixer mentality, I have had to come to the unsettling (for me) realisation that I can’t fix the problem of a student not getting the results that will lead immediately to their desired educational goal. I can only listen, validate feelings, support and guide this student. This, I have learned, takes patience, energy and a lot of deep breathing.
I will summarise below my approach with students who, on results day, turn up to my office in tears.
1. Listen
The student might be very upset; they might be very angry. They might have brought their even angrier parents with them. Or the student might not be there at all – it could just be the parents.
Whoever it is, they need time to express whatever it is that they are feeling. This, I find, is the hardest part, because often all their sadness, anger, frustration and anxiety is directed at you. It has to go somewhere.
Sometimes, in my experience, the student or parents might blame the school or specific teachers rather than acknowledge that the student just had a bad day. I have learned (albeit slowly) to listen, nod, maintain eye contact and show that I am listening but not to react – don’t agree or disagree with anything.
2. Validate their feelings
Once they have expressed their emotions, I validate their feelings without agreeing to anything. Then I calmly try to suggest next steps:
a. Student phones the university. Sometimes, as we all know, they might still be offered a place despite not meeting the academic conditions.
b. Look at grade breakdowns – could there be any subjects that would be worth sending for a remark?
c. If the high school transcript shows grades that confirm the exam results are a disappointing surprise, the student can send it to the university admissions officer as further evidence of their academic ability.
3. Get involved
Only when students themselves have done all they can do (I always reiterate that universities prefer to work with the student rather than a parent or school staff member) do I agree to get involved. If the three steps above don’t result in a positive outcome, I will write a letter supporting the student (only if the student’s academic and behavioural profile supports this, because I will back up the letter with clear evidence) and send it to the university.
4. Come up with a plan B
If none of the above actions leads to acceptance, my interactions with the student and their family need to be about coming up with a plan B. This could involve taking a gap year and resitting exams, looking at insurance choices or going through clearing to see which universities still have applications open.
This can be a difficult conversation and the student might not be ready to do this at first, but they do eventually get there. I find that I just have to approach this step of the journey very gently.
As we all wait for those final exam results, let’s take a collective deep breath and remind ourselves that we can’t fix a difficult situation – we can only support and guide.